Todays misadventure starts with a great big I"M BACK!!!!! So goes the life of a stay at home mom. You get a wonderful idea in your head like writing a regular blog, only to have things like house work, church and other stuff monopolize your time. "Damn those kids and my husband needing things like love, affection a clean house and nice hot meals once in awhile!" Of course I do love my life or else I wouldn't have stuck around as long as I have. So many things have gone on since the last misadventure. The little Jelly Bean I had been posting about is now a full on 12 month old Baby Boy, which by the way is what I will now be referring to him as. So now I have a Mr. Man and a Baby Boy. I also have a not so little Little Miss. She has entered the throes of high school. So far things seem to be going well. Her experience has been more like scenes from the movie Clueless than the movie Mean Girls which is a sigh of relief for this mama. The other exciting thing to happen is that yours truly, Mother Cardinal, has entered the working world again. Those of you that followed me before will remember a past post in which I gave thanks to a dear friend of mine who blogs under the name of Fabby. Well I now nanny for her 2 evenings a week while she gets to escape motherhood... I mean attend college(LOL)! So now I get the pleasure of hosting the Wonder Kids two nights a week which will add even more misadventures. Now on to the real reason I took to posting tonight. Let me first say that I initially was going to post this as a status update in Facebook Land but after a quick gathering of my thoughts, I realized I had so many that a simple status would not do.... 10 YEAR OLD BOYS ARE GROSS BEINGS!!!!! This is how I imagine a phone conversation going with my future daughter-in-law(or son-in-law)... In-law: "Mother Cardinal?" Me: "Yes." In-law: "How did you ever survive raising that man!!? I am about ready to pack him up and send him home!" Now mind you in my head I would be giving him or her my best accent while saying "Mother Cardinal no live here no more!" However seeing as I empathize I heave a big sigh and explain to her all about the man I call my son. This brings me back to my afore mentioned declaration of 10 year old boys. Little Man has reached the age of double digits and with it seems to have come a level of disgustingness(is that even a word?). Long before Baby Boy was born. When the main floor bathroom was shared by all who dwell in the chaos I call home, If anyone else used the shower before I did, all that was needed was a quick rinse before utilizing my only means of alone time. Even when Cowboy went back to the ever so loverly career field of removing mesothelioma asbestos from buildings, and now when Baby Boy has had bedtime poopnados that blew away his diaper requiring a quick wash, only a rinse down is needed. This has not been the case after Little Man has been in the Throne Room. As I enter the room, there is the slapping sound of feet hitting a puddle of water. The the squish of a sopping wet rug. I slide open the shower curtain to discover that I need a hazmat suit just to clean the shower before I use it! There are little hairs all over the tub. I did get a hair cut today but I was no where near my bath tub which makes me scared to know where those little hairs have come from! I have every intention of calling him downstairs to give him a stern talking to about picking up after himself, but of course he beats me to it, coming down to say good night to me and giving me a hug while batting his eyes and giving me that sheepish "but I'm cute" grin. This exchange makes my heart melt and suddenly I have forgotten what I was going to call him down for in the first place.
Today's misadventure involves birthdays! Thats right folks, the wonder kids have made it to another year of life(surprisingly!). Mr. Man is now 9 years old and Little Miss is in her first year of the wonderful world of being a teen! Okay so wonderful is not the word I would use to describe this first week. You will understand more as you read on... I have come to the conclusion that there is a secret punishment that God bestowed upon humans when Adam and Eve each took a bite of the forbidden fruit. That punishment is what we know as the teenage years. I am not a versed in the bible as some that I know but I have to wonder if Adam and Eve's sons Cain and Abel were teenagers when the whole tragedy of one killing the other transpired. It was having to stop my own teen from nearly killing her brother that made me first wonder this. Don't be alarmed, she wasn't literally trying to kill him. He just happened to glance over her shoulder to see what she was watching on youtube that had her laughing so hard. Her response to that was to slam her head back so that she head butted him in the chin, pinch his arm, and run over his foot with the computer desk chair. Maybe she was trying to kill him... okay moving along, nothing more to read on this subject. Getting back to the punishment known as teenagers, I read somewhere that when I child hits the teenage years, their sleeping habits revert back to that of an infant and their behavior reverts back to that of a toddler. The sleeping habits I can believe but the behavior, I think the researcher got that part wrong. What he meant to say what it's us parents whose behavior reverts back to that of a toddler when dealing with our teens! So far I have had to deal with Little Miss acting like it was a personal affront to expect her to put down the book she was reading and get up off her rear end to help me look for something Cowboy bought for her bike. I have also had to deal with her walking around in a foul mood as if something is bothering her yet when asked she says she is fine, only to get mad because something was wrong and we didn't draw it out of her. She fails to remember we tried the draw it out approach only to run screaming from the room! All of these behaviors have had me stomping away to my room in the manner in which a toddler would stomp away and at one point I wanted to lay on the ground and have a good old fashioned kicking and flailing temper tantrum! My good friend/neighbor also has a teen(she had been dealing with the teen years 8 months longer than I have) and she told me she just reminds herself that this too shall pass. I see where she is coming from however there are some moments where I wish "this too" would pass a just a little faster! Until that day comes, if you don't hear from me in a while know that I am safe in my own little corner, in my own little chair, in a nice padded room void of all teenagers!
Tiny little Jelly Bean growing inside me Oh how I love you so Will you please stop sitting on my bladder So I don't constantly feel like I have to go?! I mean it little child You had better do what I say Or else you will be grounded when you come into this world On your birthday! Mommy loves you!
Todays misadventure involves my my quest to find Mother Nature. Why you may ask, do I need to find her? My answer is simple and honest and a speak for all Minnesotans when I say this... "She deserves a serious beat down!" As I type this out, the tornado sirens are going off because it is that time of year again where the sirens everywhere go of on Wednesdays to test them out and make sure they work. Now as the sirens are going off, it is snowing outside! It's May first and the great state with too damn many lakes is under a winter storm watch! Little Miss put it best when exclaimed "Mother Nature be acting cray cray! I am also in agreement with Mr. Man, Mother Nature is really getting on my nerves too bud!
In my past post I shared with you all the misadventure of being diagnosed with gestational diabetes. This for todays misadventure I would like to talk more about this.... Let me first start out by saying having gestational diabetes is worse than walking into my dads home at Thanksgiving the year he decided to make chitterlings (pronounced chitlins a.k.a pig instestines)! I have decided that instead of working on my novel about the average Joe not knowing how to deal with his wife's depression or working on my Spirit World Chronicles series I am going to start a whole new book all together. I am calling it "The Life of NO pie, or no cake, or no ice cream, or no more yummy delicious foods ever ever ever!" Now in all fairness I can have 1 serving of potato chips but only one serving a day! It's not like I can have a serving of potato chips with my lunch and then have another serving as a snack. I have to strategically plan out when to have that serving and if I have it with a meal I have to be mindful of what I have with it. I made the mistake of having chips with two hot dogs in buns. Not good. My blood sugars were sky high. That means the next time I try that meal I either need to skip the chips or have two hotdogs with no buns. Well folks that one is a no brainer, the buns must go!!!! Of course in a cruel twist of fate or maybe a test from God to see if I am really willing to take care of myself, the Kentucky Fried Chicken that is near our local mall has now become a Popeyes Chicken! I grew up with a Popeyes Chicken within walking distance of my dads house. One of my oldest and dearest friends lived right behind it! When ever we both had a good amount of money we would pool it together and treat ourselves to a Popeyes feast! Visions of telling my husband the Jelly Bean is craving Popeyes and him saying "Yes dear we can go there for dinner!" Danced in my head. I even posted my excitement on my personal Facebook page. Then my aunt had to go and remind me to check the nutrition chart to make sure their food didn't have too many carbs! Suddenly I got scary visions of discovering I could eat nothing on the menu clouded my head and made me dizzy! Of course Jelly Bean doesn't help matters. Everything I love and miss eating, Jelly Bean has a distaste for! We walk past the bakery section at our local supermarket and instead of wanting to eat every sweet treat in sight once the delicious smells hit my nose, I gagged and told Cowboy we needed to hurry up away from there before I got sick! I got sick eating a small piece of milk chocolate, but was just fine eating that piece of dark chocolate. This Jelly Bean can differentiate between which of the two chocolates are good for me! I finally reached my breaking point. After not handling the labor too well when Mr. Man was born Cowboy had it in his head that with Jelly Bean I would get an epidural right away. I nixed that plan telling him if I have to suffer for 9 months of either no being able to have or gagging up all the delicious foods I love then he gets to suffer through me in labor unmedicated!
Let me first start out by saying that I came to know the word Hangry from a podcast I enjoy listening too. This word describes someone who is so hungry they are irritable and grouchy and mean. That folks is me right now. This little Jellybean that I have been blessed to house within me for the next 29 weeks has thrown this pregnancy for a big loop de loop! I have gestational diabetes which anyone that went gestational during their pregnancy and those that are diabetic knows, means a drastic diet change is in effect. Being that I am a larger sized woman, the diet change has been a bit of a shock to my system. Now the OB nurse claims that I can still feel full and satisfied on this new diet I have to stick to but so far I'm not feeling anything but hangry. My husband tried to create humor in the situation when I turned to him for moral support. I explained to him what hangry meant and that I just wanted to eat something that was good and adhered to this new diet. That is when he announced that I could eat him. You can pretty much imagine how hard I wasn't laughing. I am going to stick this out in hopes that this gestational thing will go away after Jellybean is born. The only thing I am left wondering is if it's normal to see a whole turkey when looking at the family dog or to seek a pork and beef roast when looking at our two cats? Here's a little video to showcase how I am feeling right now. Lets hope I don't get as hangry as that man eating plant!