Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Being a real housewife... The incorrect way

Todays misadventure involves me coming to the realization that no matter how hard I try, I am just not doing this whole stay at home mom gig correctly....

Wednesday is lazy day for this head of house hold affairs and todays lazy activity involved watching the season finale of "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills", The Season premiere of "The Real Housewives of Orange County", and watching the Ladies of the "The Housewives of Atlanta" round out their trip to South Africa. As they played the preview for next weeks Housewives of Orange County, I came to the realization that somewhere along the line I got the rules of being a housewife all mixed up.

All those years of volunteering at my kids school, never once did it occur to me that what I was really supposed to be doing was going out to dinner and other various gatherings with my girlfriends. When my bff comes over to visit with me while we await the return of our boys from school, we should be out getting manicures and pedicures while sipping wine and champagne, not sitting at my dining room table each of us going through the various paper work of our lives.

I called another dear friend that lives in a city north from me and demanded that she pack her bags and get ready for our trip to some exotic place, because after all we are real housewives and as such instead of dealing with our families, we needed to be in some foreign land dealing with which one of us gets to do the next body shot off of the hunky bartender or maybe it was deciding which one of us the hunky bartender does the body shot off of, or maybe it was if we should do one off of each other, I'm not really sure.

All I do know is that while all the other housewives in Beverly Hills, OC, New York, Atlanta, and even D.C. and Miami, are doing things the correct way, I in my Minnesota home, continue to do things incorrectly. You know, keeping my house clean without the help of a maid, cooking the family meals(no chefs for me!), and raising my kids without the use of a nanny.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

I Truly Am Fat!!!

I just saw a recent picture of myself in a bathing suit. Let me just say it was yucky!!!! It's a good thing I am getting myself reacquainted with my SparkPeople account and have taken up exercising to the game "Just Dance", on the kids Nintendo Wii.

I will say this is a rather proud thing for me to write about because in the past when I have noticed how unappealing I have looked I would complain about it then go right back to warming the couch cushions with my ass.

Today was different. I really took notice of how not in shape I am and doing something about it. Though being round is a shape, just not a healthy one according to Little Miss...

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Sorry For Party Rocking

If you haven't guessed by the title of todays installment, I will be delving into the mind of the group LMFAO. Their Party Rock Anthem has been the preferred song of Little Miss and Mr. Man as of late. I decided I had better get up off my lazy butt and do the good parenting thing of listening to the song and actually paying attention to the lyrics to ensure nothing inappropriate is being said, so I figure what better way to do so than to watch the video on Youtube. Not only will I be doing what I as a parent am supposed to but also be visually entertained(I hoped).

The song itself is very upbeat and danceable and nothing in the lyrics indicate that Bitches and Hoes in different area codes need to take their shirts of and spin them while dropping it like it's hot and shaking their money makers. Already I was liking the song!

Then it got to the part in the video where they call out "Everyday I'm Shuffling!" It was after that line that they proceeded to do engage in just about every dance move that I and my friends had ever done during our 4 years of high school! They were doing the Running Man and the Kid~n~Play The Watusi, and The Charleston. Granted the last two dances were not new to us but thanks to a cheesy move called swing kids, at least the Charleston became popular again.

I decide to play the video for little miss and explain to her that I can do all the dances the lead performers of the group did. After showing her just how well her mom can get down with my bad self, do you know what this child had the nerve to do? She let out and exasperated sigh while shaking her head, reached up and patted the top of mine and told me don't ever do that again! I was floored. I showed her the video again this time breaking down the dance moves and explaining to her what they were called in my day. Again came the exasperated sigh.
"Mom!" she exclaimed. "Those guys say everyday I'm shuffling, not every day I'm doing the Watusi, Charleston, Running Man and kid~n~Play!"

I asked why it was that those two guys as well as she and her friends were allowed to partake in those dances of my youth but I was banned from doing so. Again do you know what that Little Miss of mine had the nerve to say? Her exact words were...
"Well... #1 you're old!"

So there you have it folks. That was my misadventure in dancing and all I can say is sorry for Party Rocking...