Monday, June 10, 2013

The Unspoken Punishment or How The Heck Do I Avoid Ending Up In The Nut House!

Today's misadventure involves birthdays!  Thats right folks, the wonder kids have made it to another year of life(surprisingly!).  Mr. Man is now 9 years old and Little Miss is in her first year of the wonderful world of being a teen!  Okay so wonderful is not the word I would use to describe this first week.  You will understand more as you read on...

I have come to the conclusion that there is a secret punishment that God bestowed upon humans when Adam and Eve each took a bite of the forbidden fruit.  That punishment is what we know as the teenage years.  I am not a versed in the bible as some that I know but I have to wonder if Adam and Eve's sons Cain and Abel were teenagers when the whole tragedy of one killing the other transpired.  It was having to stop my own teen from nearly killing her brother that made me first wonder this.  Don't be alarmed, she wasn't literally trying to kill him.  He just happened to glance over her shoulder to see what she was watching on youtube that had her laughing so hard.  Her response to that was to slam her head back so that she head butted him in the chin, pinch his arm, and run over his foot with the computer desk chair.  Maybe she was trying to kill him... okay moving along, nothing more to read on this subject.

Getting back to the punishment known as teenagers, I read somewhere that when I child hits the teenage years, their sleeping habits revert back to that of an infant and their behavior reverts back to that of a toddler.  The sleeping habits I can believe but the behavior, I think the researcher got that part wrong.  What he meant to say what it's us parents whose behavior reverts back to that of a toddler when dealing with our teens!  So far I have had to deal with Little Miss acting like it was a personal affront to expect her to put down the book she was reading and get up off her rear end to help me look for something Cowboy bought for her bike.  I have also had to deal with her walking around in a foul mood as if something is bothering her yet when asked she says she is fine, only to get mad because something was wrong and we didn't draw it out of her.  She fails to remember we tried the draw it out approach only to run screaming from the room!  All of these behaviors have had me stomping away to my room in the manner in which a toddler would stomp away and at one point I wanted to lay on the ground and have a good old fashioned kicking and flailing temper tantrum!

My good friend/neighbor also has a teen(she had been dealing with the teen years 8 months longer than I have) and she told me she just reminds herself that this too shall pass.  I see where she is coming from however there are some moments where I wish "this too" would pass a just a little faster!  Until that day comes, if you don't hear from me in a while know that I am safe in my own little corner, in my own little chair, in a nice padded room void of all teenagers!

Saturday, May 11, 2013

An Ode To An Unborn Child WIth Love From It's Mother

Tiny little Jelly Bean growing inside me
Oh how I love you so
Will you please stop sitting on my bladder
So I don't constantly feel like I have to go?!

I mean it little child
You had better do what I say
Or else you will be grounded when you come into this world
On your birthday!

Mommy loves you!

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

The Hunt For Mother Nature

Todays misadventure involves my my quest to find Mother Nature.  Why you may ask, do I need to find her?  My answer is simple and honest and a speak for all Minnesotans when I say this... "She deserves a serious beat down!"  

As I type this out, the tornado sirens are going off because it is that time of year again where the sirens everywhere go of on Wednesdays to test them out and make sure they work.  Now as the sirens are going off, it is snowing outside!  It's May first and the great state with too damn many lakes is under a winter storm watch!  

Little Miss put it best when exclaimed "Mother Nature be acting cray cray!  I am also in agreement with Mr. Man, Mother Nature is really getting on my nerves too bud!

Saturday, April 13, 2013

The Life Of No Pie

In my past post I shared with you all the misadventure of being diagnosed with gestational diabetes.  This for todays misadventure I would like to talk more about this....

Let me first start out by saying having gestational diabetes is worse than walking into my dads home at Thanksgiving the year he decided to make chitterlings (pronounced chitlins a.k.a pig instestines)! I have decided that instead of working on my novel about the average Joe not knowing how to deal with his wife's depression or working on my Spirit World Chronicles series I am going to start a whole new book all together.  I am calling it "The Life of NO pie, or no cake, or no ice cream, or no more yummy delicious foods ever ever ever!" 

Now in all fairness I can have 1 serving of potato chips but only one serving a day!  It's not like I can have a serving of potato chips with my lunch and then have another serving as a snack.  I have to strategically plan out when to have that serving and if I have it with a meal I have to be mindful of what I have with it.  I made the mistake of having chips with two hot dogs in buns.  Not good.  My blood sugars were sky high.  That means the next time I try that meal I either need to skip the chips or have two hotdogs with no buns.  Well folks that one is a no brainer, the buns must go!!!!

Of course in a cruel twist of fate or maybe a test from God to see if I am really willing to take care of myself, the Kentucky Fried Chicken that is near our local mall has now become a Popeyes Chicken!  I grew up with a Popeyes Chicken within walking distance of my dads house.  One of my oldest and dearest friends lived right behind it!  When ever we both had a good amount of money we would pool it together and treat ourselves to a Popeyes feast!  Visions of telling my husband the Jelly Bean is craving Popeyes and him saying "Yes dear we can go there for dinner!"  Danced in my head.  I even posted my excitement on my personal Facebook page.  Then my aunt had to go and remind me to check the nutrition chart to make sure their food didn't have too many carbs!  Suddenly I got scary visions of discovering I could eat nothing on the menu clouded my head and made me dizzy!

Of course Jelly Bean doesn't help matters.  Everything I love and miss eating, Jelly Bean has a distaste for!  We walk past the bakery section at our local supermarket and instead of wanting to eat every sweet treat in sight once the delicious smells hit my nose, I gagged and told Cowboy we needed to hurry up away from there before I got sick!  I got sick eating a small piece of milk chocolate, but was just fine eating that piece of dark chocolate.  This Jelly Bean can differentiate between which of the two chocolates are good for me!

I finally  reached my breaking point.  After not handling the labor too well when Mr. Man was born Cowboy had it in his head that with Jelly Bean I would get an epidural right away.  I nixed that plan telling him if I have to suffer for 9 months of either no being able to have or gagging up all the delicious foods I love then he gets to suffer through me in labor unmedicated!

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Attack Of The 268 Pound Hangry Woman

Let me first start out by saying that I came to know the word Hangry from a podcast I enjoy listening too.  This word describes someone who is so hungry they are irritable and grouchy and mean.  That folks is me right now.  

This little Jellybean that I have been blessed to house within me for the next 29 weeks has thrown this pregnancy for a big loop de loop!  I have gestational diabetes which anyone that went gestational during their pregnancy and those that are diabetic knows, means a drastic diet change is in effect.  Being that I am a larger sized woman, the diet change has been a bit of a shock to my system.  Now the OB nurse claims that I can still feel full and satisfied on this new diet I have to stick to but so far I'm not feeling anything but hangry.  My husband tried to create humor in the situation when I turned to him for moral support.  I explained to him what hangry meant and that I just wanted to eat something that was good and adhered to this new diet.  That is when he announced that I could eat him.  You can pretty much imagine how hard I wasn't laughing.  I am going to stick this out in hopes that this gestational thing will go away after Jellybean is born.  The only thing I am left wondering is if it's normal to see a whole turkey when looking at the family dog or to seek a pork and beef roast when looking at our two cats?

Here's a little video to showcase how I am feeling right now.  Lets hope I don't get as hangry as that man eating plant!

Thursday, February 28, 2013

The Great Conception

This is a misadventure you will not want to miss.....

So Cowboy and I have been faithful college students since this past fall.  I am hoping to earn a degree in early childhood special education and he is getting his degree in chemical engineering.  We have two beautiful children whom we adore.  We had been semi trying for a third for almost 4 years not with nothing happening.  Cowboys soldiers were marching but they just couldn't seem to hit the correct battle field.  After months of discussing things we came to the decision to stop trying.  I was worried that it wouldn't happen for us until after I had my degree and was working again which I didn't want because I knew if it did, I would want to stop working and be a stay at home mom for that baby like I have been for Little Miss and Mr. Man.  Cowboy thought that his years of working in a lead foundry, the exposure caused there to be issues with his soldier.  

Let me tell you folks when you decide to stop doing something due to having no success that is when things suddenly start to jump off.  That's right folks, I am PREGNANT!!!  No sooner did we make the decision to stop and we were well into the groove of second semester when SURPRISE!!!!!!  We found out another baby bird will be flying into our nest in the fall.  I am normally not one for surprises but this is one surprise I gladly appreciate!  In fact Little Miss was a surprise too.

So far I am feeling good with the exception of my misadventures in pregnancy nausea.  So far apple juice, toast and apples are this baby will allow my stomach to hold.  Little Miss is super excited and has aptly called the baby her Jelly bean.  Mr. Man  being the 70 year old man trapped in an 8 year olds body, first complained about the cost and work load of having another child in the house.  His exact words were... "Now there will be to many kids in the house to take care of!"  Really what he was worried about was mom not having enough love to go around.  Once he was reassured that I would always have more than enough love just for him, he warmed up to the idea of a new baby and wants a baby brother because sisters are dumb and mean( so he says).

Mama-The-Hun and my Smother In-law were both equally excited and my bio-dad or as the kids call him grampy, was happy for us too.  I only wish my stepdad could be here for this.  If this baby is a boy I will be honoring him by giving the baby his name.  David Germain Cardinal has a nice ring to it

Here is Jellybean Cardinal, right between the 2 x's

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Injuries of the Peculiar and Strange

          Todays misadventure involves me(no surprise there), the lovely Little Miss.  She got a lesson in just how not surprising it is for me to have nothing but misadventures.
          Before I delve into todays misadventure let me first give you a rundown of some past misadventures I have had that resulted in injury.  Once you hear these and think back to my previous posts the question "Why am I not surprised?" will come to mind.  

          Injurious misadventure number one happened when I was just a kid Cardinal and not even a Cardinal yet.  I was walking along the pathway that was in front of the row of town homes I lived in with my parents.  I turned to walk across the grass to our front yard area.  Directly in front of me, in my line of sight was the brown metal pole of our clothes line.  My dad knew I was going to hit it but my mom being ever the optimistic one was so sure that I saw the pole and would turn before I reached it.  Unfortunately her optimism was misplaced.  I walked smack in to this pole receiving from it, the gift of a lovely goose egg on my forehead.  Naturally my parents did what any parent would do, they tried hard to stifle their laughter as they rushed to my aid.  Every so often my mom likes to tell this story to Little Miss and Mr. Man just to hear the uproarious giggles that erupt from them when they hear it.

          Injurious misadventure number two occurred about two years ago.  Cowboy and I had had an disagreement that morning and he took off for work without giving me his usual kiss goodbye.  Even when we are mad at each other I still like getting a kiss goodbye from him before he leaves for work. I saw him pull out the driveway and I ran to the front porch to get his attention.  I tapped gently on one of the windows and Crash!  My hand went through!  LouLou bell, one of my best friends, came to my rescue and brought me to the emergency room where we did was any bored stay at home moms would do, we clowned around and took pictures of not only the glass that the doctor had to fish out of my right index finger, but also of the doctor as he was digging.  There are pictures on my personal Facebook timeline as proof of this.  Of course LouLou Bell has heard the story of me, the brown pole, and the goose egg several times so she was not surprised to learn that all I did was gently tap on the window and this happened.  The first words out of her mouth when I told her what happened was "Why am I not surprised?"

          Finally we come to this afternoons misadventure.  I stumbled over my own shoes as I was walking to my dinning room table.  stumbling over ones shoes is not anything new.  Everyone has done it at some point in their lives and even sustained an injury from it.  Now when I say injury I am talking a sprained, bruised, swollen, maybe even broken toe.  Not me folks!  Oh no not me!  After I stumbled I felt pain and I thought it would go away after a few minutes.  When it didn't subside I didn't worry about it though I did get annoyed at the thought that I might have broken it.  I sat down and took off my sock to asses the bruising and possible swelling only for me and Little Miss to discover my left pinky toe and the toe directly before it were covered in blood.  Little Miss sprang into action and got a wet cloth to wipe the blood away.  My brain, deciding it wanted to play news of the obvious, told my mouth to ask "Is it cut?"  Of course Little Miss said yes and she added that it looked pretty bad.  She then said it was deep.  I asked her if she was sure because I know my Little Miss and sometimes situations will look or seem scary to her so she assumes it must be scary and make it out as such when questioned about it.  She was adamant that it looked pretty bad so off to urgent care we went.  My mil had to drive us and Mr. Man came along for the ride, regaling us with tales of when he had to get 7 stitches in his head.  When the doctor initially looked at my foot I was sitting in a chair in the exam room and he thought all I would need to do was keep it bandaged and wear shoes and socks constantly until it healed.  Then he asked me to sit on the exam table to he could look at it from other angles and thats when he saw how deep the cut really was and announced that I would need stitches.  Thats right folks, only I would stumble over my own shoes and gash my foot so bad it requires stitches.  Oh and in true me fashion, according to the doctor, the cut was in a very odd place.  The cut is right near the bottom of my left pinky toe and slightly in between the pinky toe and toe next to it in the fold.  That is how the doctor explained it to me.  The first words out of my mouth when he told me all of this were "Why am I not surprised?!"

Only me I tell ya!  Only Me!

Sunday, January 6, 2013

My Favorite Things


On this incredible misadventure I have decided to list my favorite things.  If Oprah can do it so can I, only don't go thinking I am going to be giving away any of these things.  I may be big(I'm speaking literally) like Oprah once was, I'm not that big.  Unfortunately I have these people in my life called children, that require most of my money which technically isn't even mine.  Cowboy is the one that earns it and I don't think he would be to please if I spent the mortgage showering strangers in internet land with gifts.

So here goes ladies this is my list of favorite things for 2013.  Along side each item will be an explanation of how or why it earned a coveted spot on my list.  I will say that Calgon bubble bath will never make the list.  If you want to know why you will have to go back read through my past misadventures and you'll understand.


1.  Cafemom - This place is like facebook for mom's.  Actually it's more like myspace for mom's.  This place has everything from drama, to trolls, to the so unbelievable that it's too good to be true and too out there to not be true!  If you are ever having one of those days where you are feeling like the worst mother in the world, just go to their mommy confession group and read some of the topics posted anonymously and you will step away from the screen feeling like the Martha Stewart of mom's!  Oh and you can make some great friends and get some good advice.

2.  Mamas Latinas - I have to first give the disclaimer that this site is for latina mama's.  The group originated on Cafemom but have since branched out into it's own website.  If you are of Latino heritage and want a place where you can feel connected to that, this is the place for you.  I go there and practice my spanish.  

3.  Google Translate - I'd like to thank google translate for helping me to decipher what the mamacita's of Mama Latina are saying.  I also want to thank you for assisting me in those playful conversations my husband and I have with each other in french

4.  Swiffer wets - Yes I took it there!  I put a household cleaning product to my list.  I am sorry but when you have a wet wipe that cleans everything you just gotta talk about it.  I knew it could clean floors but then I saw my husband use one to clean our kitchen cabinets and man I was impressed!

5. & - Both of these websites offer some tasty and budget friendly meal idea's.  Part of my decision to actually make resolutions this year was being a better wife and mother.  I figured the best place to start was in the kitchen and how I do dinners.  So far every recipe I have gotten from either site has been a hit and this time I remembered to print it out, use my 3 hole puncher to make holes in it so I can stick in a 3 ring binder

6.  Hasbor's Family game night for the Nintendo Wii or Play Station 3 - There is a game night 1, 2, and 3 and we have all of them.  This is an excellent way to play all those family game favorites without the bulkiness of the game boxes.  As much as we wanted to get the kids more actual games this Christmas, our game cabinet was too full.

7.  Muk Luks - If you don't know what these are, google them.  Everyones knows I am not a fan of winter boots due to the horrors of having to wear those god awful moon boots as a child.  When I saw a pair of these boots on the JcPenny website I fell in love.  Then I googled them and found a website full of them!  These boots will keep your feet warm and look fabulous.  The pair I want are dark brown with fringe and they come to about mid calf.  Now I just need to convince Cowboy to let me spend $250 on a pair of these boots!

8.  This last and final thing on my list is not a thing, it's a person.  She is the best photographer around!  She is also an inspiration.  She has found a way to make money doing what she loves and not lose sight of why she loves doing it.  She specializes in location shoots because she feels posed shots don't really capture the emotions of the people being photographed.  The fact that she actually got Cowboy to give a genuine smile is a few of the photo's we just had done is a miracle.  She doesn't have her website up and running yet but she does have a Facebook page and I encourage you all to go there, check out her work and become a fan!

So there you go folks, those are just a few of my favorites for this year.