Sunday, March 25, 2012

Mom's Say She Darnedest Things

This misadventure is brought to by my children.  Ah those wonder kids they bring such hilarity to my life and they are the inspiration for a lot of the motherly sayings I have in life.  I have comprised a list of those that have brought great humor to me and have really helped me to navigate some pretty interesting misadventures thus far.  I will also give a brief explanation as to how the saying came to fruition so as not to create a misadventure in reading this blog entry.

  1. "Ask me no requests and I'll give you no denied's!"  This one came up just tonight after Little Miss requested an iPhone and Mr. Man requested and Ipod Touch.  When I suggested they start saving their money, Mr. Man whined that he wanted to use our(mine and cowboys) money because waiting to use his would take to long
  2. "Don't go digging in your nose unless you expect to find gold so you can help with the mortgage!"  This one came about during the nose picking phase I had to endure with Mr. Man. There aint nothing pretty about a 7 year olds boogers!
  3. "I'll give you a round of applause on your behind if you don't stop whining!"  This was said on a day Mr. Man was more ornery than usual.  I had reached my breaking point when I said this. The straw that broke the camels back for me to declare this was him whining that his sister didn't cheer and clap for him when he did well on the nintendo Wii.
  4. "It's illegal for minors to have whine in their system so knock it off or I'll have you arrested!"  This was said after this mom had had enough of the whining.
  5. "That which does not kill me better run pretty damn fast"  This is a phrase for when mom has reached her limit.  It gives the kids a nice warning to run and run real fast because mom is a coming.
  6. "I'm gonna pretend I didn't just see that because if I acknowledge it, you father is gonna come home to discover he doesn't have children anymore"  You don't know how many times I have said this after catching the wonder kids doing exactly what they know they are not supposed to.
Finally my favorite which I felt didn't need to be on any list.  I call it the mom answering service.  For those times when your kids have driven past crazy and you just don't want to be bothered anymore.  Simply recite this phrase...   
"Hi you have reached mom
I am not able to take your whine, complaint or request at this time
Please leave a message after the beep
This works perfectly because your kids will be so annoyed they will growl and angry sigh and walk away and not talk to you for the rest of the day giving you a nice afternoon of peace and quiet!

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